Change Your Story, Change Your Life, with Bridget Cook-Burch

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Welcome to Let's Talk Legacy. I'm really excited

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about our next guest, Bridget Cook-Burch. Bridget is a New

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York Times and Wall Street Journal, best selling author

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writing mentor and speaker, as well as the CEO and founder of

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YourInspiredStory.com and Inspired Legacy Publishing,

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whose greatest passion is helping others to discover the

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importance of their own story and to become leaders in their

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own communities worldwide. So welcome to our show.

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Bridget Cook-Burch: I'm so delighted to be here. I love

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your premise. I love what you stand for, and I'm excited for

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our talk today.

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Let's jump right in with a moment that really

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changed your life, which I understand was a near death

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experience for you?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Yes, well, for a long time I didn't talk

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about it because it was such a sacred and bewildering

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experience to me. But now I share it quite frequently

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because it happens to more people than you think. But for

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me, it was so extraordinary because, you know, I was in the

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hospital, I'm listening to nurses outside in the corridor,

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and they're saying she's not going to make it until morning.

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And so I just had the most extraordinary sadness, because I

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knew I had not fulfilled the measure of my creation. I just

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knew I didn't know what I was here for. I was working three

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jobs, going to school, like working myself to the bone,

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which is why I was in the hospital, and here I am unable

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to get better. And what we didn't know was one of the

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medications they were giving me was killing me. So I came in

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sick and got sicker, and then I had this extraordinary presence

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that filled my room with so much unconditional love Gary that it

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changed my whole world. And I was I was told I was being given

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a second chance at life. And I woke up and they had been giving

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me intravenous antibiotics in what's called a subclavian and

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the heart, because I was so emaciated, I couldn't have a

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regular IV. And I picked out to the nurse, I said, I can have

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all of these, but I can't have this one. And she looked at me

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like I was crazy. She was like, this is the only thing saving

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your life. We thought you were going to die. And I said, No,

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seriously, this one's killing me. The rest of these I can

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have. Well, she looked at me like I was a French fresh eye of

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a happy meal, that's for sure, right? She refused to take me

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off of it, but I was so adamant that she went to speak to the

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doctor. And fortunately, he'd had other patients who'd had

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these type of experiences. And so he said, Well, I think we

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better listen to this. We can take her off. She's on the rest

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of these, and we'll see how she does. And 24 hours later, I

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walked out of the hospital and on my own power. So it was a

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profound experience.

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Wow, wow. And so through that experience, you

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learn the power of a story, that if you can change your story,

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you can change your life. So what sort of things did you

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start telling yourself to regain control of your own narrative?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: What was fascinating when I got out of

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the hospital, you know, I had a lot of fixed beliefs about

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myself, so I'd been adopted. I had three sets of parents. By

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the time I was six months old, I was always waiting for the big

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people to go away, you know, like I could only trust so much,

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and I was fairly independent, because I I just, I didn't feel

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supported until the hospital, and suddenly it was like, Oh, I

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can't tell that same story. It's not true. And all of a sudden, I

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was able to look into the eyes, well, my own eyes, for the first

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time, and see love there. That was extraordinary. But then as I

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went out into the world, I wasn't afraid of people anymore.

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I could look into the eyes of anyone like I can see real

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people, and I can see potential, and I see who they are without

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their story, and I also see the importance of their story to

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them. And so just working with them to disentangle sometimes

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fixed beliefs from from those that are, that are the truth for

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them is really been extraordinary.

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As you've been successful as a storyteller and

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writer, you've had several national best sellers, including

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Divine Turbulence, The Witness Wore Red, Shattered Silence, and

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there's been others. How did you go through this whole process of

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putting this on paper and putting into a story?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Well, it's a little miraculous, that's for

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sure. In my estimation, the first book that I went to write,

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I was so taken with the lessons of gang kids. You know, they

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came from different worlds than I did, and I was so fascinated

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by who they were and what they had experienced already, so

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young, and then where they were headed, and I thought, wouldn't

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it be great to write a story of redemption? Right? So a kid

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really gets in a lot of trouble, the blood in, blood out,

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mentality, like you have to spill blood to get in and and

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you can't get out. And that's what was happening in Denver at

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the time, as I was working with these kids. And. What if you

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could be forgiven in your community, forgive yourself and

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feel like you could be forgiven by God, like, what? What could

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happen then? And so I was playing with this idea. Was

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writing some things, but one night, in the middle of the

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night, I had a dream, and I had character scenes, plots. I say I

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even had eye color, because it's true, I wrote. I wrote for

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hours, like from two o'clock in the morning until about 10. I

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wrote this whole novel out, thinking it was fiction, and

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then I had to do some research, because a lot of the kids that I

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worked with in Denver were Nuestra Familia and the Bloods

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and the Crips and, you know, some of the local gangs. But in

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my dream, it was a skinhead. And so I was like, well, that's

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fascinating, you know? So I, I had to do some research, and I

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come across this guy's website, a former skinhead. Everything

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Gary that he had written about his life, everything that I had

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written about in my fictional novel, were in Dan. It was

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crazy. Wow. There were so many things that were the same that

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I'm like, this is the guy. And then he said, I'm looking for

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someone to write my life story. If you know of anyone, have them

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call me. And I thought he's got to think I'm crazy. Who is this

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crazy? Whack, a woman. But I did call him, and his story was

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different than my novel, but the big, main turning points were

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all the same. And so that's why, to me, it felt really

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miraculous. A young woman read his story, and she said, I think

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if there's a writer who could take a story of so much darkness

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but create hope and healing, it would be you. And then she said,

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I'm the daughter of the happy face serial killer. Would you

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write my life story and Gary, I gotta tell you, I I was so

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floored, I did not know what to do in that moment. I kind of

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like, How in the world could you ever write an inspiring, love

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filled story about the daughter of a serial killer? But we did.

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Her dad was always weird, but he was also the Savior. So there

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was this like pendulum swing of behavior with him. So part of

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him was the Savior that would come into town and fill her poor

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mother's cupboards with food and buy her blue jeans, right, and

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the things that a teenager needs and sustenance. And so he was

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the Savior in some regards, and then in other things, you know,

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we always had these detective novels, and you know, duct tape

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in his in his truck. But every trucker has duct tape. You know,

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there were things that she never put together in her mind.

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Because, why and how would you ever do that? You wouldn't write

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about your own, your own parent. But when she found out, it was

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very life shattering. It was difficult too, because when we

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came out with the book, there were people that were saying,

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you know, you're benefiting from your father's killing, and

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usually those were the victims families, but when they read her

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story, there was so much healing that took place. Because, you

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know, no one had ever written a book like this before.

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And she's successful now, you said she's a

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successful producer, right?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: She is incredibly successful. She's

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created a lot of shows on A & E and other beautiful cable

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networks, and she's known for bringing compassion to to true

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crime. So she did one called monster in my family, and she

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brought together victims families as well as the serial

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killers families, so like the Boston bomber and others that

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they were able to come together and understand each other and

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heal.

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Gosh, that's crazy. That's crazy good.

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Crazy amazing.

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So your storytelling is such an

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important part of leaving a legacy, that's so much in our

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company is called Southwestern Legacy Insurance Group, and it's

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all about, what are you doing to leave behind for others and your

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actions today? And it's not just money and leaving money behind.

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It's your, it's everything that you're leaving behind.

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Gary, I've got to tell you, I've had three

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businesses in my lifetime that have legacy in them. My

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publishing company is Inspired Legacy Publishing and Inspired

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Legacy LLC is my overarching business. I think we have a lot

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in common.

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I love it. Love it. So why is story more

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important than money or a monument or an award?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: You know, we have been telling stories since

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the dawn of time. You know, we first began with with sticks and

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and petroglyphs, right and and drum beats and other things, but

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around campfires, we have been using the power of story and

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then words and language as it came about, ever since the dawn

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of time, and it's how we learn roles. It's how we learn to

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relate to one another. It's it's how we learn the heroes and she

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rose journey, you know, which is very cyclical, and some of us

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will be on three or four of those in our lifetime,

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especially if we're adventurous. But I will tell you that. Uh,

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the power of story, especially the stories that we love and

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believe in, really dictate what we manifest and choose to create

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in the world. Because if we believe to our core that we're

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not enough, that the world is an unsafe place, that life sucks,

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that there's never enough money, that there's, you know, we we

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believe those things, we move forward in life as if that is

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true for us, and we will find that truth wherever we go if we

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choose to believe that the world is great and that there's messy

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people, but the world is inherently great and there's

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goodness in everyone, and that there is something for us to

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learn every single day, and that there is a beautiful legacy that

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we can leave the world. Then we begin to act accordingly. We

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begin to manage our behaviors in a different way. We do all kinds

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of things we wouldn't do if we believed the world was rotten,

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and by believing that the world is good, we create incredible

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miracles each individual. And I've seen it over and over and

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so those are just the stories that we tell ourselves. Then

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there's the stories that we relate to our children. Then

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there's the stories we give as teachers, the stories we give,

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you know, as an insurance agent, as a business person at their

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story after story after story. We're built on stories. We are

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more story than just about anything else when you think

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about it.

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How do you inspire someone to change their story?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: One of the things I found most effective is

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to work with people on what their core values are, or one of

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my authors that she's writing a book, it has to do with what she

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calls it's in your bones, innate drivers. But we all have these

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intrinsic values, and they are story driven. But when we get in

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touch with those, and we recognize like to my core, oh,

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my goodness, I am these amazing things, and this is what I stand

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for, and this is what I believe in, then suddenly that that

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tends to have an energetic effect on now, how am I going to

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show up today?

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It's so true. That is so huge. The deeper question

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than that, how do you get a person, Bridget, to even know

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what their "why" is, if they don't know?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Right? Well, I have seen the power of knowing

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the why. In Japanese, they call it ikigai, your reason for

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breathing like you find these ways to get down to that

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inherent self of I have a purpose on the planet, you know,

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and in in ikigai, it's doing something that you're good at,

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that you love, so that passion comes through, but also

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something that will serve the world. I don't know if you've

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ever like seen the fishmongers in in Seattle, at Pike's place?

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I have. They're so excited and throwing the fish

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around and the whole thing.

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Bridget Cook-Burch: They have the stinky, smelliest job on the

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planet. They have to get up at like, 3:30 or four in the

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morning, and they're freezing cold and full of slime. They

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have the best time. And this is what is possible. No matter what

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your job is, I don't care if you're an accountant or a data

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programmer or or whatever it might be like, we have the

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ability to to find our why and then bring that why out into the

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world. But I will tell you this, when a corporate culture

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actually loves the why and incorporates like, here's the

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why of our business, here's the why of our team. Now let's get

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down to the whys of our individuals that make up this

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team, and let's see how we can do extraordinary things

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together. That's when the magic happens. That becomes amazing,

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because then there's three different stories that can

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coalesce beautifully together, and individuality and purpose

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all come together. It's amazing.

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It's interesting how the all of this kind of

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comes into the story, and creating the story, and being

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able to share stories from different perspectives, where a

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person would think a serial killer's daughter's story would

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not be good. But really, in reality, it brings out so many

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good things to take a look at crime in a different way, right?

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Because people get so narrow minded in certain things in

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life, and if they just store it sounds to me and I and what I

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believe this is what you're saying, that story gives people

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a blank canvas to look at it in a different way. Right? Is that

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it?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Oh, absolutely. You know that old

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saying that, that we learned as kids, never judge a person until

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you've walked a mile in their shoes. Tell you something.

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Anytime I have held a judgment, God will bring me a person in a

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story, and all of a sudden I get blown away, and that judgment is

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blown out of the water, but it's like you have an opportunity in

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a book to walk more than a mile in a man or a woman's shoes or a

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child's shoes. You get to see like the inner processing and

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and the reactions to things that have happened in the world, and

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then what this person decides to make of it. And so I write more

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extreme stories, but they have an indelible impression, because

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somewhere along that wavelength, someone can find themselves

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like, probably not to the full extreme, but they can find a

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piece of their own story in the rises and falls of this

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character, and then how they overcame such tragedy, their own

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dark night of the soul and really rose. And they're like,

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Wow, if this person can do if the daughter of a serial killer

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can get up in the morning and create a life of joy for her

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family and for the world like maybe I can get out of bed

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today. I can find a place where I can be a contribution. Maybe I

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can face this Goliath of paperwork that is that I'm

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facing today, where I can, I can face this, this health challenge

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that I'm that I'm facing, and so we do. We find power in these

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stories? I first saw it in a lot of entrepreneurs, but I have

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also seen this through the years. I've done some work with

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AT and T lucid technologies, many other businesses through

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the years, and I saw when they could be uber effective at

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telling stories, and I saw when they failed. And you know, even

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Warren Buffett says, like, if you want to be worth 60% more in

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your lifetime, understand how to express yourself on paper and in

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person. And so I'll give you an example. I was on a leadership

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retreat that I was hosting in Italy for women, and there was a

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woman that was just this extraordinary, kind, incredible,

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loving woman, and she had a health business, and it was

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failing, and so we talked about her story, and inside of it, she

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had some grief, because she'd lost her husband to some medical

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issues, and she'd been a western medicine physical therapist, and

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had done all kinds of things in that but she lost her father,

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her mother and her husband in quick succession, and she saw

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some problems, like huge problems in western medicine

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that impacted the life that they had and how quickly they went to

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their death. So she went into more Eastern medicine and found

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these really effective things that she's so passionate about

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telling people, but she didn't say her why. She didn't tell her

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why. So she's trying to shove this eastern idealism and some

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some solutions onto people, and they were just pushing back. So

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we started to work with her story, and what she what she

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learned to do, was to watch, and if someone was, you know,

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struggling with health, or they were having these things that

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she would say, I want to I want to share with you my experience.

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And then she would share a bit of her story and why she was

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doing what she did, and now what she knew could help them, and

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the no strings attached, she's like, I just love people so

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much. I want them to be well, and you're someone I would love

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to be well. And suddenly she was having clients coming out of the

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woodwork. So it's, it's, that's a simple one, but the same thing

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happens in corporate all the time. So making sure that the

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culture is in alignment with the story, and that the that the

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team actually has buy in to the why? Why are we here to serve

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people? What is it that we can do that actually improves the

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lives of of our customers, of our clientele? And when people

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become on fire about that, whole cultures change, and the numbers

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change as well.

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Absolutely, I want to shift gears for a moment and

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talk about the importance of persistence. You ooze, like, I'm

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not giving up, but talk to me about how it's affected your

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life. You call it your inspired story. Talk a little bit about

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persistence in your life and how important it is. I mean, you ran

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a trucking company, you ran a phone book, PR agency, I bet

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you, without even asking, persistency was there in all

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three of those cases.

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Absolutely, absolutely. In fact, I came to

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learn a lot by failure too, how persistence was absolutely key

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to be able to succeed. And you know, there are different stages

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that you go through as you're building business. And usually

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there's a little bit of self sacrificial, you know, parts in

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the beginning of almost any business, until it can stand for

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itself. And so I definitely went through those stages as well.

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But there's also, you know, when you have a dream that's so rich

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and fulfilling, then there is that. There's a passion to your

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persistence, there's there's a beauty to it. But anyone who

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gets up in the morning and goes to bed every night understands

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that there's going to be rises and falls, there's going to be

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things. That come at you and understanding that we're messy

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humans, and we all have these come froms that we're learning

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and growing from. Instead of being in so much judgment like I

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used to be of myself, I have learned to be a lot more self

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compassionate and to understand the lessons, and I will tell you

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what I have like a I have a very creative mind. I have some ADHD

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qualities, you know, oh squirrel, oh squirrel, me too.

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But what I found through books was that I had to temper some of

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that and and still have vivacity and joy and passion, but also

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make sure that when I would commit to something that I was

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in it for the long term. So, you know, books take a while. They

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generally take about a year, sometimes up to a few years, to

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complete, depending on the quality and what you're writing

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about. And so a little at a time, I learned just how

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beautiful a long term project could be if I chose to be

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persistent. Because when I was younger, it was I struggled to

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finish anything, even my meal, you know, I'd be off and running

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into something else. Persistence, I have found, as

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I'm working with business owners and and others, it is the key to

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success. The one thing that I think is important is sometimes

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people are dogmatic in their persistence, and they don't fail

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fast enough. We have to allow ourselves to fail fast enough

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too, so we're not hanging on to something that's not working,

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but allow it to progress to where it needs to go, so that

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it, it can get out of the way.

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That's so huge. That is so huge. So what would

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you say is your professional legacy?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: That's a beautiful question. And I think

Gary Michels: 00:21:50

what I would share is, is when people do the deep dives into

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their own stories, their own past, two things happen. Number

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one, they heal profoundly. And number two, they like themselves

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better, and they're more able to become leaders in the world. And

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so I think my professional legacy is for people to learn

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that there is power and magic in your story. There is power and

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magic in your past and in your words and in your patterns and

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the ability to express those that serve you, serve your

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family, serve your community, serve your work. And I love, how

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shall I say this enabling and ennobling leaders? Because I

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love it when they find their own answers from the inside out. You

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know, it's not my job to tell them who they are as a leader,

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but oh, do I love to spark that process.

Gary Michels: 00:22:41

That's awesome. What would you say is your

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personal legacy?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: I think now I'm gonna get a little emotional

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to be what I experienced in that hospital room, to look into

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someone's eyes and be unconditionally loving like just

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to set aside all judgment and to want to hear the story. I think

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that's my personal legacy.

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Do you feel you've arrived there?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: I feel like I work on it every day. So I

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feel like the longer I live, the more legacy I have to give. And

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I'm definitely not done yet.

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Now, you mentioned a little bit ago about heroes

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and then sheroes, and there were probably some people going,

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what's a shero? So you're the co founder and former executive

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director of Sheroes United, a nonprofit organization that

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helps women and girls arise from trauma. Can you tell us a bit

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about sheroes?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Yeah, we're a nonprofit that has been in

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service to humankind for the last 10 years. Right now, we're

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working on our one, three and five year plan with 100 year

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impact, because the work we do, it actually affects generations.

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It has to do with education, story, advocacy, we've generally

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helped we're like in prison populations right now, helping

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them to tell a new story. We work with victims of human

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trafficking, victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, and

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what we provide are the guidance and tools for them to be able to

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prevent further abuse for themselves and anyone in their

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generations following, and then also to not only rise beyond

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abuse, but to thrive beyond abuse, and to be able to use

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that to become an exceptional leader in their family and their

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community.

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Beautiful. So how would people if they wanted to

Gary Michels: 00:24:40

hear about your books, get your book. Get involved in your

Gary Michels: 00:24:43

organizations. Have you speak for their company, or coach

Gary Michels: 00:24:48

them, or whatever it is you do. How would someone get in touch

Gary Michels: 00:24:50

with you?

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Bridget Cook-Burch: So you can find me at

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yourinspiredstory.com, that's one of the easiest ways to reach

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out to me. I'm also on Instagram. The Book Whisperer,

Gary Michels: 00:25:00

Bridget Cook-Burch, and Inspired Writers Retreats, which I do a

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couple times a year, I get a lot of people from many different

Gary Michels: 00:25:08

walks of life around the world, and a lot of people love to come

Gary Michels: 00:25:12

to those to explore their own story. So any of those places

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would be wonderful. And then our nonprofit is sheroesunited.org.

Gary Michels: 00:25:22

Well, I really appreciate, Bridget, you coming

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on the show today, I know you're going to hear from a lot of

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people because of your kind words and just who you are as a

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person. What a blessing.

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Bridget Cook-Burch: Thank you.